Its her Birthday!!

"Its her Birthday today!!" my mother declared aloud. As I look up at her face I could see speckles of tears trying to fall out of her eyes and she was holding them back so much so that she would not blink. I wanted to put my arms around her and tell her that it was alright to cry. All I could do was whisper out a few mumbled words amongst which some might have been "yes, it is or yes it would be". Neetu, my only sister would have been a brilliant, beautiful 24 year old woman. On this day-on her birthday, I cannot help but think about all the times that we had together (well most of them were spent fighting..). Somehow what I thought was impossible did indeed happen- I actually learnt to live without her and as far as my parents are concerned- live for her and live like I have become one with her. I have emerged as a strong person while the strongest person I knew, my mom, has become decrepit! Even now ma talks of Neetu as though she still exists. After all Neetu was the darling of the family. Although I don't talk of her much, I still remember the last day- she was calm and composed, she had that dainty smile on her face, sort of saying goodbye to all of us.
Well if I were a little younger, I would have spent a few more years wishing for a miracle to bring back our "bulki darling", but I know better now (or at least not to hope for anything unimaginable). So I go straight to my mom, put my arms around her and all we could do was shed a few tears.

Earth day-this Sunday

Hi folks,

Its Earth day, this Sunday April 22nd. I knew it was sometime now so I was wondering what little steps I can take to celebrate being a part this wonderland called EARTH. I try to reduce, reuse and recycle when I can. It is quite a challenging thing to do specially because I live with roommates. When it comes to conserving energy of any sort- my roommates are what I would call "Prodigal"- may be a strong word but that is what they are. Caring about the environment is the last thing on their minds (and they might even actually give a reason "what can we do we are grad students?!!"). Why do some of us, at least try our best, to preserve what is left our Earth while there are others who don't even care!! (yeah that's what it is- grad students or not, where there is will there is a way) What is even more upsetting, is the fact that most of these people think big and dream big but unfortunately only about themselves- in fact I am tempted to call them all "selfish to an extent". But my personal opinion aside...how hard is it to turn those lights off when not in use, save water by closing the tap when washing dishes or brushing your teeth or well the reason that triggered this post- turn your heaters off when it is 68F outside!!!! This is not a post to let my anger out after seeing the heater the light on (well...may be not entirely), it is more so because I want folks visiting this blog to understand that caring for our planet Earth is as important as cleaning yourself up- after all it is first home!!! So get up and do something, anything (and don't lie to yourself that you conserve enough!!) It is time we started caring, all of us- grad students or not!!

Virginia tech massacre

I did not even get to read the news this whole day until I saw an email from Ashok- the subject line read "Vtech killings". I have been following the news closely through the evening and I cannot get the grip yet- why would someone do such a horrible thing? What is the difference between such people and terrorists like Osama Bin Laden? I feel helpless as I can only sympathize with all the students in Vtech and probably join millions of others who are praying for all those who have lost their lives and all those in the hospital to make it back !!! You have to really lose your heart and soul to commit such a heinous crime- no reason will justify this killing. I just hope at some point there would be an end to all this senseless murders and probably more stricter gun laws!!! Yet another incident that will stay in our minds forever.

Life on the web?

"Oh I read it on the internet!" has become a norm of the day. Personally, I can take it only up to a certain point. I cannot quite get it when people tell "oh, I looked up that my red eye symptom on WebMD and was freaking out- may be it is that deadly infection that causes blindness" or "oh, I have stopped eating carrots because it is a root vegetable and is carbohydrate rich!" What ever happened to the good old doctors who pay a lot of money to earn their degree and to the balanced nutrition for a normal, active healthy person. I am not anti-internet and I do not claim "beware of the web-it will get you!". All I am saying is- take what ever you read on the web with a grain of salt. Not all of what you read may be right for you- you need to be able to assimilate all the information from the net and use it wisely. "Athikam kudithaal amruthammum nanju" (its an old tamil adage which essentially means- too much of anything cannot be good at all). I am not sure if it is worthwhile to change your lifestyle based on articles you read on the web. For example when it comes to food, there are these universally agreed bad food but surprisingly those can be cut down with effective choices that you make. But there are these others- always in the midst of controversies and you always wonder "should I eat/ drink it or not?". For those people I have one thing say- sooner or later there are going to be studies- "stop eating lest you shall die soon"- are you guys going to stop eating then?
About being our own docs- its a good thing to know your body in and out. If it does not behave, it might be because of a simple rhinovirus that you might have and not lung cancer!!
Make smart choices lest the web shall get you!!

What do we Indians care about?

Now I must warn you- I might be completely wrong for I simply have not spoken to a million people before this post, therefore these are primarily what I think about "What exactly do we Indians care about?!"
In a broad sense, we do not care much about anything as long as we are not disturbed from our cozy cocoons. Even then there will only be a stir and then we all go back down there. As the middle class communities we are a huge part of the gazillion people nation. We could have and should have made a difference but doesn't seem to be the case does it. Politics, health, education, civic amenities, environment, child labour (that's right I need a "u" there!), casteism, corruption...I could go on and on about the issues that we need to care about, yet something is amiss. All we do ever do is complain and big time (of course there are people trying to make a difference, only it is not enough). When I landed here in the US the first thing that struck me was the fact that people here care deeply about issues pertinent to them. They exactly know where things stand say for e.g. when it comes to there local school boards. They are very much AWARE of it.
In a land of billion people, I guess not many have the time, space and right resources to make any difference or to even care- but that does not mean we can become indifferent! That's right, that's what we have become-INDIFFERENT. Amazingly enough the people at home seem to be content going abot their routine (whether they are happy and enjoy their lives is a different issue, for it is a hard sight to catch a smiling face at least in Madras and at least during peak traffic times- everyone has a frown!!)

Back from India trip and it is snow day today!!!

So I am back!! This time with my mother...

(I had so much to write about when I was back home but sadly now I cannot remember much at all)
Anyway it is a snow day today for us here is MD- not because of 3feet of snow accumulation but due to freezing rain and sleet that fell till this morning- you could hear the thump! It was amazing. It is my mum's first ever snow (first ever in her life!), so she had to pull me out also for a walk...

Each maid a heroine, each man a friend!

We were crazy. We were young. Silly was the new normal! You could do just about any silly thing and get away with it. We had friends- they meant something. You could never imagine a life without these friends- who were they, where did they come from, what did they do, were they 10 pointers...none of it mattered. There was a promise that was made in our minds, a promise to be together for as long as time exists, a promise never to part. Life was as beautiful as it can get.

Skipping classes and paying a visit to the IC (Insti Cafetaria) or Sky (pappu da chai!) was normal. Rambling about ShivG to look for "love birds" -a topic for dinner table gossip was also perfectly normal. Those quite moments at the Saraswati mandir or the rush to reserve seats for friends at our Sunday breakfast were normal too.

Riding all the way to C'not the day before exams for a delicious glass of bluemoon butterscotch milkshake or butter masala dosa from Annapurna was being trendy in its own way..None of what we ever did seemed like a "waste of time".

I guess this quote sums it all up
How beautiful is youth! how bright it gleams with its illusions, aspirations, dreams! Book of Beginnings, Story without End, Each maid a heroine, and each man a friend!”
(Henry Wadsworth Longfellow)
Don't lose that child in you - that edgy, trendy, beautiful and strong youth in you!!

Vincent Van Gogh says- Its a pity that, as one gradually gains experiences, one loses one's youth.
Don't let that happen to you...

PS This is not the end of this post...its my favourite topic and you can surely expect more!

Pongalo pongal

Pongal nalvazhthukkal makkale!!
Thai porantha vazhi porakkumnnu kavizhar kannadasan sollittu poyitarungo...(The month between Jan15th and Feb 15th is called thai madham and its that special month of harvest) Its an important festival to remind us all to thank the Mother Nature for all the food we get from her and also the farmers who strive hard to put that plate of food on our tables. Traditionally its a 3-day festival- with first day called bogi pandigai (old things pave way to newer things, so we burn old things early in the morning and announce that proudly by beating the drums "molam"). The second day - big day called pongal thirunal- a day to pray and offer our thanks to all the entities of Mother Nature. And of course the famous- mattu pongal or kaanum pongal.

Do you still believe that global warming is a myth?

I am surprised that there are still people out there who say "global warming is a non-existent, inconsequential thing". The past 4 or 5 years that I have been here in the US, I have seen a steady increase in the temperatures during winter (the first year being the coldest). It was at 72C here in greenbelt on Saturday people!!!! This is January- where did all the 30s odd temperatures, with wind chills that could keep you at home forever, vanish? Oh what will happen to those wonderful bulbous plants that need at least a short period of freezing temperatures?! It is going to be really interesting to see whats in store for us as we get older.

HAPPY NEW YEAR FOLKS

Happy New Year people!
May this New year bring you all that you had ever wanted. Let us all make an effort to make this beautiful place a better place for us and every single living being on this planet..
So long 2006!!!

Friends

Sort of my contribution on this post by Kavitha.
I do too- everytime I refer to someone as my friend, I think about what exactly qualifies as this relationship that we share. I realize it is plain hard for me to make anything meaningful out of even a short 2-min telephonic conversations. I cannot even imagine how it might be if I were to meet my "friend" in person. It does not matter if it is this girl from school who was mistaken for a long time to be my twin or that guy from college I could not imagine being separated from- I simply dread meeting them in person after so many lost years! What to do you say to each other beyond the niceties of "hi, its been long or hi, how is life?!" Ah, those awkward moments!!
As Kavitha writes in her comments- I still don't understand why I am staying put. I might sound negative but its going to get worse- those ugly moments of stuttering and stammering, unsure of how you could have been inseparables in your distant past, when now, you cannot even look at each other with the same old excitement. I am not sure I recognize these people now, they have changed and so have I. It is not even the distance, even people who I see everyday- I don't know them anymore (so its something unfathomable I guess). I want it all to be the same again fully aware that it never will be (oh well, what is life without hope). But unlike many others who can persist... I feel sad when I think about those "friends" that I don't have anymore. Thats right I don't see any point in persistence. Well sometimes I do and sometimes I don't and may be that is why I am staying put. Whatever said and done,
Men may come and men may go but I go on forever (My favorite poem)!!
For all you who can persist- GO FOR IT, I am sure it will be worth it!

Indian movies- a feeling of disgust?!

I did not in my wildest dreams think that I would dedicate a post to Indian movies , oh well I guess watching this new movie Don was the trigger. I love both Hindi and Tamil movies (I like Hindi movies better!). When I am watching a movie (English, Indian or any other foreign movie) I hardly expect anything, so even if it is a mindless movies I can watch it (there are still quite a lot of those that seem to escape my tolerable limits!). Anyway this post is not about how awful, disgusting or even mindless Indian movies may be (I don't seem to think they are that bad). This post is more dedicated towards the role of bollywood and kollywood movies in our lives. Haven't we all as teenagers spent a considerable amount of time watching movies with our friends, talking about actors and even humming all those songs on the Super hit Muqabla show. I am sure those moments have become a part of our fond memories. So once we are "here", our tastes improve and we now like to watch classy movies which have good stories or actors or even fight scenes! But that's about it- there are no memories involved with these classy movies. In fact I can hardly associate movies I watch here with any of my friends but I can remember almost every movie I watched back home when I was in college ( I must say I was hardly a movie-watcher back then). There are events associated with each those of trips to the cinema hall and the events come to life when I hear a song from that particular movie or see a scene from that movie. If these movies have such an impact on our lives there is no reason to feel disgusted or have an attitude about watching an Indian movie. For all you know the next time you watch one- it might just be the best 3 hours, best day, best year or even the best moments of your life.

Art and therapy

Here is the much awaited verdict- any art form is therapeutic (yeah right as though the world was awaiting my judgement on it!!) No really, art forms- music, painting, cooking (note this has been added to the new version of top ten art forms that can sure you of your "depressed mind and soul") etc. can really save some of your worst days. You get depressed too often or you end up with a heavy heart after a marathon thinking session about the "world" in general, just try and do "something" that you have wanted to do for a long time and never got to it. The challenging task (now that is the toughest believe me!!) is to push yourself to do that "something". But once you do it, its very satisfying and you feel light. I am sure all of us have days where we just sit down on that damn couch staring at that TV spewing out random people and places. You might also be wondering as to why on earth you are watching this goddamn show that no one else watches EVER. On those days if you achieve the first step of willing/wanting to get out of it the next obvious step- try making a card or a piece of jewelry or even donuts!

World news people

I knew when they say "world news" (FOX, ABC...any channel) its not really world news. The media here (at least the local media here) seems to have a skewed vision of the world limited only to the United States and may be Iraq! But today my patience was pushed to its limits. The only world in the abc world news was "John somebody has been training some of the most expensive horses from around the WORLD" and that was it. I am not exaggerating folks. Can you imagine they have all these adverts claiming that their respective world news reports are the best. Seriously if the world news can stretch only up to kentucky derby horse races, I am sorry there is something seriously wrong!! Don't y'all agree?!!!

For all of you who want to eat a cake right now...

Yesterday I did give in and made the damn cake.....I have been wanting to try this cake
for a long time now. So I did, only it took me about 3 weeks to get to it and trust me it was worth the long wait!! The cake turned out awesome. For all you bakers out there...this might seem like a mockery of all baked goods and the good hearted corner bakery store guy, but for me its "yeh! I can make a cake". Just as one thing leading to another now I am waiting to lay my hands on bigger better stuff....and make a grand entry into the "World of wondrous fresh smelling baked goodies".


Don't be scared...go on make this cake!

Something to be happy about

I could not sleep after 5AM this morning- the reason "my parents 2nd visa interview". Yeah second interview, their visa was rejected the first time because the officers thought I could not support my parents with my meagre earning. Anyway back to my story- I tossed and turned waiting for their call. I was trying to call them but in vain. I thought that my parents were upset and so apdiye beechangarai pakkam poyittanga (you should read with a particular intonation that will make it sound funnier, anyway "so they decided to spend some time by the beach"- for Tamil illiterates). At about 8AM my mum finally called- she sounded so excited that no one can mistake it for anything else. She said "kedaichiruchu!!" and then ofcourse she went to describe the meeting.
From what ever she said- I sort of found this strange connection between the consulate officers and external examiners who come during final lab practical exams. I remember hearing all the time- everything depends on the external "avanga veetla sandai pottutu vantha namma gali" (if they are in a bad mood, we are done for!). Same goes for the consular.....and me like an idiot made double the effort to ensure a green signal for my parents

We were not this way before

Beware: a random, possibly depressing tale

Her friend from college, Em, who is her roommate now, came back from her vacation yesterday. They spoke exactly four sentences. It seemed a little odd to her that she kept count of it. Em and she had been great friends in college, they were in the same dorm and they went through all the best times together. But now, it seemed to her that they have moved so far apart that they don't even consider sharing important decisions of their lives with one another (Well she knew she was never good at that- she was not a great conversationalist). She was more of the silent character while Em had been the outspoken one!
What happened that had changed all of this, all the nice times they had- why didn't Em realize that there was a long time well wisher out there who wants to know about her life and the decisions she makes (not in the decision making process though..). She has been through such episodes of feeling betrayed, she thought that those episodes gave her the emotional strength that she has right now. This tryst with Em brought back memories that she has pushed to one corner of her mind! She had gone through such episodes of feeling betrayed. She had felt like a train station- only here the arrivals and departures seemed unannounced. As a teenager, she thought of it as a bad way- she felt like she had the powers of driving people away but as a wise, mature woman she has learnt the art of waxing and waning with the people that brush past her life. Although her heart yearns for a close-knit circle of friends with whom she can be carefree and herself, she has learnt to live her life the way it is. She jolted from her seat, realizing her flight was landing, with a smile on her- I don't need Em to make me feel better!!

Did you miss this show?

So today, I came home early (had to some errands run), I was at home by 4:15PM. I sat down to catch an episode of Oprah show gobbling up some vadas dipped in gorgeous chutney (my roommate had made it) and a cuppa masala chai to go with it (it felt absolutely exciting and great to have a evening snack with tea!!). Dont worry, the post is not about how good the vadas were or how aromatic the tea was.
On the Oprah show, today's theme was sort of "how to be yourself", as a lot of other Oprah shows this show also was mainly for women. Oprah's guests today were 3 celebrities- Dana Buchnan, Sheryl Crow and Ellen Burstyn. These women and a whole bunch of other celebrities talked about at what moment they became themselves or they realized that they were not being themselves and had therefore started a process of getting there.
I was not moved a lot by their stories but it definitely made me ponder- are there many women out there who feel that they are constantly giving and living up to others' expectations that they lose their identity in the process? I am not sure I can blame anyone for the way I turned out to be. I guess its not just women who might feel that way- specially now when we race against one another, race against time and ourselves to achieve the best possible life, well monetarily that is...and in the course of all these tight races we forget who we are, and why we are here in the first.
Any incident that can bring these races to a stand still- boom...we begin to realize that we have missed out on being ourselves for a long time until something happened to awaken us from our dreams. This is precisely what those celebrity women said but is it so hard to figure it out ourselves?!! Anyway after all this rants, do you still feel you missed this Oprah show?!

So whats cooking?

I never thought I would say it but folks, I think really love to cook. My favourite past time these days- graze through the world wide web for any mouth-watering, curious, "hmm, may be I could try that" or "oh, I need to make that one day' recipes. Its amazing how the blogging world is buzzling with foodies. I remember my grandma telling me many times that cooking is fun and that I should learn the art of cooking (samayal kalai). Well, I never did (I did help my mom quite a bit around the kitchen though). Also when I came here to the US, I was really nervous the first time I had to cook something (I thought I would suck at it!). As days went by I began to experiment,well not scientifically, not like putting together various ingredients in a bizzare my-own-kind of way but more like find new recipes and cook them in my own way!
I went out for lunch with a seminar speaker from Madison, Wisconsin- she was telling us (there were 2 other graduate students) that "if you cannot cook, you cannot do science". I won't take it that far but sure will say- if you are a scientist, you sure at some point or the other begin to like cooking.

Traditions- how important are they?

It is thanksgiving time and you get to hear all about traditions (Etymology: Latin, traditio meaning act of handing over) around this time of the year. I hear them say it while my mind wanders away- traditions, why are people so hung up on traditions? Are they really important? So there can be two different types of traditions: religious and social. Both types of traditions seem to be passed on by word of mouth (not much of written instructions). Although most people love to follow some of the oldest traditions- new ones are often created and sometimes long lost ones being re-established, an example being although pilgrims set apart thanksgiving day (after their first harvest) in 1620's, it was not until late 19th century when last Thursday of November was declared official day .

I realize that I do not have much of traditions to follow (religious or social)- I guess having been away from home could be one of the reasons. Not just that, our family lacks "traditions"- we are people who are sort of spontaneous. I don't remember my mother or grandmother saying "we have been doing this every year, we cannot not do it now- its our tradition", but I do know that my grandmother's had a lot of those. I am not sure if I feel left out in this whole tradition thing, but I sure do think they form a part of our life and probably remind us, every once in a while, of who we are. Having a constant, say an event (be it a place that you go to or eating a piece of cheesecake on a particular day either all by yourself or with someone you love) that occurs no matter how your life has turned out be or how much distinct you have become than you were a few years ago, definitely means something. It gives people the security and hope they need. Amidst busy lives that we all lead, traditions are reminders telling us to slow down, live and enjoy every moment of it. In the course of this blog I did want a tradition of my own, you know what may be if not now, at least a few years down the line I might have follow a tradition of my own- may be go to spa on the 15th of January every year (why this date and month...I don't know just made it up!!!)Hey its a tradition- don't ask questions, just follow it- its fun!!! Next time your mom asks to cook a complicated recipe grand mom's b'day or wear a sari on Diwali- don't fret...just do it, its a tradition that you need to cling on!!