It had happened unexpectedly. Of course one does not expect such things to happen, do they? The night of June 10th 2000, after a hearty dinner at my mum's cousin's place- we left for home by different modes, since there were so many of us. My sister and I on her TVS, with me driving it- pretty mundane isn't it? Except it was not and am sure since I am writing this and not my sister you all can guess what might have happened. She had just turned 18 that April and we were just getting closer putting behind our sibling rivalries, yeah it had indeed taken me 20 odd years to accept that she is a part of my being, that she is me only a few a few years younger. I loved and hated her fiercely as a teen, took a long time to resolve my emotions (well what do you expect, I was a child and apparently not a smart one at that). I normally don't talk about it- but we (the family) talk about her as though she still exists and we all converse with her in the depths of darkness. Me for instance, I strongly believe that she is my guardian angel.
In retrospect, I do wish I had some sense back then to go through some sort of trauma therapy as a family. It is quite interesting psychologically that it is not just me with an intense survivor's guilt (which unarguably affects my everyday life) but my parents and my grandma all have their own reasons for why they could not see it coming....and why her and not them!
Nine years now and my biggest fear- I might not remember her as I grow old, I might not remember her laugh after a good joke, the twinkle in her eyes after a successful prank or her tears after a not-so-well-done exam.
We love you and we miss you sweetheart!
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